Thursday, April 4, 2013

When Life Gives You Sh*t, Shovel It!

If you are not comfortable hearing the word poop, you might just want to skip reading this post because that's what's happening my my life today, yeha!

News flash, major goings on here in my little corner of the woods in Maine! Will spent the morning climbing my pant legs and saying "mamamamamamamama", which I loved, and then went down for a nap at 10 am, which I LOVE.  It's now 12:37, hold the phones!  This is an extremely rare occurrence in these here parts, so all you mamas who routinely get hour + naps, you oughtta thank your lucky stars!  What have I been doing with myself during these two hours, you ask?

Three things:
1.  Wonder when the baby monitor will squawk me back to reality.
2.  Yard work, of the sh*tty variety.
3.  Wonder if I need to do a little look-see in the nursery, but continuing on with #2

As you know, if you've read my ramblings before, we have dogs, two of them.  They are insane little monsters, but we love them anyway... I think.  It's mud season and my love is questionable at times, especially since I have a crawling baby and keeping the floor clean is seriously causing me major anxiety.  It's a no-win situation, the kid's gonna be eating some dirt despite my best efforts, but I digress.  When Maggie and Clementine came bounding and bumbling into our family back in November there was much hilarity, four legged antics, tail wagging chaos, and poop.   Lots-of-poop.

Our sweet old girl Bailey was a tremendous dog in about 1,000,000,000,000,000+ ways and though I try not to, but I can't help but compare the new pups to her.  I know it's not fair, they are their own little personalities and I will grow to love them as much as her one day.  I do love them already, it's just a different love.  Kev says I might just remember certain things about Bailey with rose colored glasses.  Nah, I remember her through "Big Sweetie" (one of her many nicknames) glasses and saw her for the angel with fur that she was.  Sure she shed a TON, would sometimes roll in totally disgusting things, once paid WAY too much attention to a privy on the Appalachian Trail, and she barked loudly at the oil delivery truck, etc... but that stuff wasn't a big deal, she was a dog after all.  To her credit, she didn't steal food off countertops (Maggie did this just yesterday by ingeniously launching herself from the opened door of the dish washer!) or jump up on you, or scarf her food like an angry wolverine, or nip your fingers when giving her treats, or dribble water all over the house after drinking from her bowl.  Best of all, Bailey never pooped on lawns, ever.  As in, I think she would probably have made herself ill before doing that, such seriously undignified doggy behavior.  It's funny because I don't even recall teaching her to be so courteous as to always seek out the woods, she just knew.  Yup, best dog ever.  Times when the vet needed a "sample" we would scratch our heads and wonder where the heck to look.

Those days are gone.

Now, we have poop.
Lots of poop.
If only it were a cash crop of some kind, we'd be rolling in it.  Instead... well, we're rolling in it.  Springtime is coming, you can smell it in the air, but in our yard, you can also smell something else, something that spurred me to pull on my Muck boots, thick rubber gloves, old clothes and trudge out the door with trash bags in hand, what a way to spend a nap time.  Oh if you could only see me now, you might be concerned I've let myself go ;)  I'm wearing the knit sock monkey hat made for me by my wonderful cousin Jennifer (that matches Will's, and Kev has one too, we're cool like that!) jeans that I may or may not have worn yesterday too (at least I'm not in my yoga pants~ the unofficial uniform of SAHMs), a tired old relic of a sweatshirt from high school complete with holes from years of use... and the icing on the cake is my knee high muck boots, attractive? No.  Do I love them?  Hell yes!
So, yeah, I'm a hot mess.

Yeah, so anyway...
Snow banks are shrinking and receding down the lawn towards the woods, mud is oozing, and the yard is calling my name.  I love yard work, getting my hands dirty and spending time outside, so I took advantage of little man's nap to get out there and try and reclaim our yard from the presents bestowed to us from our pups.  While I was working, all of the puns containing the word sh*t came to mind and I couldn't help but laugh, I must be a 12 year old boy on the inside or something, but I couldn't help it.  I was also humming the Joe Walsh song "Ordinary Average Guys", particularly the line "pick up the dog poop, hope that it's hard", I got such a kick out of that line when I was a kid... now the jokes on me.  Oh, and why the hell are my dogs eating BRICKS?  It's gross that I even have this knowledge, but now I do... that and baby wipes, rubber bands, and other undistinguishable non-dog food items.
The unmistakable guilty look of a dog who chewed her way off her run, 
the very first time she was on it, in less than 5 minutes time.
Atta girl, now it looks like invisible fence time for the puppy pals!

So this is my life now.  I am a stay at home mom who uses naptime to pick up shit off the lawn.  I have a master's degree and I get jazzed about having 2 hours to myself to pick up dog poo.  Wow... I have made a promise to myself to write more because I like how I feel when I write, but I think I may need to get a hobby, or get out more in the very least, because I just wrote a whole post about cleaning dog poo.

Hope you still love me. :)

I'll make up for it with adorable AWAKE William and puppy pics.
My babies, love 'em to pieces, poo and all!

Crazy lil' man loves his Clementine!

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