Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Shopping... Biting the Bullet

It's time for a confession..
Prepare yourself...

I totally, completely, and unequivocally failed "Girl School".  
I'm not talking a girl's only educational setting, I'm talking curricula involving the fine arts of purses, makeup, fancy schmancy hair do-s, knowing the rules for stripes vs. polka dots, what colors go together, etc... The list goes on forever, probably containing some things I didn't even realize I stink at.  Yup, that's me... maybe there's a 12 step program for people like me, but I would probably quit that too!

I know being "girly" doesn't imply impracticality, but in my head, I feel like I'm playing dress up and it just doesn't work for me.  I remember going Easter dress shopping with my dad and my twin at around age 8.  My sister, who coincidentally did NOT fail "Girl School", (there goes any claim to blame I may have had on genetics) picked a very appropriate beautiful pastel frilly little number with matching adorable white hat, while I grabbed this denim and plaid overall ensemble and wondered what the big deal was.  (You should know my sister isn't just a pretty face, she spends her weekends hunting and ice fishing, so don't let the style fool you!)  Another example, try to for the life of me, I still believe that high heels are impractical, ridiculous and the person who invented them should be shot... or better yet, forced to walk around in stilettos all day while maintaining a perky disposition!  (All you ladies out there rocking the high heels, please don't judge, just keep doing what you're doing while chicas like me scratch their heads in complete bafflement wondering how the heck you do it!) 

Is there a reason for all this babbling, yes and no.  Yesterday at school I had an epiphany, largely in part due to a button.  While leading a guided reading lesson on a book about slugs with a group of 6 second graders, I realized that my dress pants were getting uncomfortable when sitting down (the brief amount of time I actually sit down in my classroom!) It's pretty hard to focus on all the amazing facts about slugs when you're thinking about your pants and a particular annoying button. Did anyone see that Subway commercial after Christmas with everyone's buttons popping off and causing mass pandemonium...

Yeah, well... I was worried that a button might fly off and ricochet off one of my poor second graders!  I might add, I'm thinking that unbuttoning my pants while teaching would probably result in losing my job and since I'm dancing the edge of the seniority list cuts already, going half undone isn't a wise option.  Darn! 

So, I put on my proverbial big girl panties (btw, part of my failure in "Girl School" stems from my hatred of the word panties) and anyway, I made myself get REALLY excited about slugs, all while mentally accepting the fact that after school, I would have to suck it up and go shopping.  Now, any of my fellow "Girl's School" drop outs know that shopping is equivalent to how some people feel about the dentist.  I LOVE the dentist, there's cool magazines (sometimes) and my dentists have always been super nice.  Plus, close your eyes and think about the potential hilarity of the situation: mouth stretched out of proportion while trying to answer small talk questions about the weather.  Who doesn't appreciate the humor in that? :)

So, after school I embarked on my mission: find comfortable, not overly girly, maternity clothes to add to my small collection.  Thank goodness my friend Kate & my amazing Mother-in-law hooked me up with some perfect items, but let's face it, 4-6 items in my closet isn't enough for a 5 day work week until the big day in July.  As for the weekends, I don't care if I look like a slug when I'm at home. A comfortable slug is a happy slug. :) Happy slugs have happy babies! (Don't quote me on that, I know nothing about parenting slugs, nor do I hope to learn the fine arts of slug rearing)

Onward to Goodwill, Target & Old Navy.  Long story short, I ended up with a few new pairs of pants, some shirts, and some killer belly-laughing hysterics in the fitting room.  Why, you may ask?  Leggings. That's why.  So many people look so cute all dressed up in leggings, so I thought, what the heck, I'll try it.  I put them on and instantly just had to dance around Risky-Business style.  You might want to know, for future reference, that this is not advisable in a very tiny Target fitting room.  Results: the lady in the room next to me kindly asked if I was okay... to which I could only giggle and reply, "As well as can be expected."  The leggings were cute, but I didn't buy them because I would then be faced with another dilemma.  What do you wear for shoes with leggings?  I live in my Dansko clogs... wear them every day until flip flop season, have for over 5 years.  I can't do those fancy tall boots everyone wears, I either feel like Nanook of the North or a total hooker, like I should have a cigarette hanging from my lips and tacky red lip stick.  So, leggings are out for now because I am a complete goon. 

Anywho... I ended up with some comfortable new clothes and a less full wallet, but maybe my reading group today will get my FULL attention, bring on the slugs!  :)

Have a great day everyone!

No comments: